Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Rescue Party Saves 1500 Gnomes
Rescue party saves 1500 gnomes
About 1500 garden gnomes have been saved from the scrapheap after an 800km rescue mission. The impressive collection of small cement people was left orphaned after the death of an elderly Cootamundra woman, with the new owners of her property not enamoured of the gnomes. But a solicitor acting for the deceased estate in southern New South Wales contacted the Australian Gnome Convention seeking advice on how to dispose of the garden ornaments. The convention, established by the Lower Blue Mountains Rotary Club, is held annually in Glenbrook, west of Sydney, and has become the spiritual home for Australia's gnomes. Convention organiser and "Gnome Master'' David Cook said he did not hesitate in organising the rescue party when contacted about the homeless little folk. "We didn't want to see them put in a skip and taken to the tip and all smashed up,'' Mr Cook said. Ranging from two-centimetre fridge magnets to 1.5m-high mega-gnomes, the garden fixtures have suffered a degree of wear and tear. "They had been there for a number of years,'' Mr Cook said. "They were all faded. Their red hats were no longer red and all that sort of stuff.'' The gnomes' previous owner lived alone and was known for having a small number of the statues in her front yard, but few locals knew the full extent of her backyard collection. "She had no more than half a dozen gnomes out the front, but no one suspected she had a whole bevy out the back,'' said Bill Price, a Cootamundra Rotarian. The four-member rescue team joined with Cootamundra locals on Saturday, working for almost four hours to load "every square inch'' of two vehicles and a trailer. The gnomes will be fostered out to various locations across the Blue Mountains but will be reunited next Australia Day for the sixth annual Australian Gnome Convention.
About 1500 garden gnomes have been saved from the scrapheap after an 800km rescue mission. The impressive collection of small cement people was left orphaned after the death of an elderly Cootamundra woman, with the new owners of her property not enamoured of the gnomes. But a solicitor acting for the deceased estate in southern New South Wales contacted the Australian Gnome Convention seeking advice on how to dispose of the garden ornaments. The convention, established by the Lower Blue Mountains Rotary Club, is held annually in Glenbrook, west of Sydney, and has become the spiritual home for Australia's gnomes. Convention organiser and "Gnome Master'' David Cook said he did not hesitate in organising the rescue party when contacted about the homeless little folk. "We didn't want to see them put in a skip and taken to the tip and all smashed up,'' Mr Cook said. Ranging from two-centimetre fridge magnets to 1.5m-high mega-gnomes, the garden fixtures have suffered a degree of wear and tear. "They had been there for a number of years,'' Mr Cook said. "They were all faded. Their red hats were no longer red and all that sort of stuff.'' The gnomes' previous owner lived alone and was known for having a small number of the statues in her front yard, but few locals knew the full extent of her backyard collection. "She had no more than half a dozen gnomes out the front, but no one suspected she had a whole bevy out the back,'' said Bill Price, a Cootamundra Rotarian. The four-member rescue team joined with Cootamundra locals on Saturday, working for almost four hours to load "every square inch'' of two vehicles and a trailer. The gnomes will be fostered out to various locations across the Blue Mountains but will be reunited next Australia Day for the sixth annual Australian Gnome Convention.
posted by arbroath
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Full Size Lego House to be Built
July 23, 2009
TOP Gear presenter James May is looking for volunteers to help him build a new house in Surrey - but one made entirely out of Lego bricks.
As part of his BBC series James May’s Toy Stories, he plans to build a two-storey house in the middle of Denbies Wine Estate in Dorking.
On Friday, more than three million Lego bricks were delivered to the vineyard in preparation for the task.
Denbies marketing and business development manager, Jeanette Simpson, said: “The millions of bricks came all the way from the Czech Republic. The house will be life-size with a staircase, toilet and shower.”
May will be hosting a building day on Saturday, August 1, when members of the public can help him with the challenge.
The event follows two other successful toy challenges which saw May build the world’s first Plasticine garden, winning the People’s Choice Award at the Chelsea Flower Show, and also the world’s largest model plane.
Anyone interested in taking part in the Lego house build should e-mail their contact details to lego@plumpictures.co.uk.
James May's Toy Stories will also feature an attempt to create a Scalextric version of the Brooklands racetrack in Weybridge on August 16, as part of Brooklands Museum's Pendle Slot Racing Festival.
More than 20,000 pieces of Scalextric will be laid out before a local community team and members of the Scalextric Club go head-to-head in a 2.75-mile race.
TOP Gear presenter James May is looking for volunteers to help him build a new house in Surrey - but one made entirely out of Lego bricks.
As part of his BBC series James May’s Toy Stories, he plans to build a two-storey house in the middle of Denbies Wine Estate in Dorking.
On Friday, more than three million Lego bricks were delivered to the vineyard in preparation for the task.
Denbies marketing and business development manager, Jeanette Simpson, said: “The millions of bricks came all the way from the Czech Republic. The house will be life-size with a staircase, toilet and shower.”
May will be hosting a building day on Saturday, August 1, when members of the public can help him with the challenge.
The event follows two other successful toy challenges which saw May build the world’s first Plasticine garden, winning the People’s Choice Award at the Chelsea Flower Show, and also the world’s largest model plane.
Anyone interested in taking part in the Lego house build should e-mail their contact details to lego@plumpictures.co.uk.
James May's Toy Stories will also feature an attempt to create a Scalextric version of the Brooklands racetrack in Weybridge on August 16, as part of Brooklands Museum's Pendle Slot Racing Festival.
More than 20,000 pieces of Scalextric will be laid out before a local community team and members of the Scalextric Club go head-to-head in a 2.75-mile race.
The old ad slogan "Guinness is good for you" may actually be true: a study showed that drinking just over a pint of Guinness at mealtimes may help reduce the blood’s ability to form dangerous clots that may lead to heart attacks.
Drinking lager does not yield the same benefits, experts from University of Wisconsin told a conference in the US.
Guinness were told to stop using the slogan decades ago - and the firm still makes no health claims for the drink.
The Wisconsin team tested the health-giving properties of stout against lager by giving it to dogs who had narrowed arteries similar to those in heart disease.
They found that those given the Guinness had reduced clotting activity in their blood, but not those given lager.
Link (Image: spleeney [Flickr])
Previously on Neatorama: Stories Behind 7 Famous Beer Logos
Drinking lager does not yield the same benefits, experts from University of Wisconsin told a conference in the US.
Guinness were told to stop using the slogan decades ago - and the firm still makes no health claims for the drink.
The Wisconsin team tested the health-giving properties of stout against lager by giving it to dogs who had narrowed arteries similar to those in heart disease.
They found that those given the Guinness had reduced clotting activity in their blood, but not those given lager.
Link (Image: spleeney [Flickr])
Previously on Neatorama: Stories Behind 7 Famous Beer Logos
I Find this Humerus
I met this gal in a bar, and one thing lead to another… I said, “Let’s go back to my place.”
She said, “Oh, do you have cable?”
I said: “No…But I have some old ropes that should hold just fine…”
-
Neil Armstrong has been hailed on the anniversary of the moon landing. He is from Ohio. The first man to orbit, John Glenn, and the first man to fly, Orville Wright, were also from Ohio.
It shows that no challenge is too great when a man is trying to get out of Ohio.
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
What Have You Got?
I was getting on Craigslist to post a used refrigerator for sale when I noticed a link I've never seen before. The Best of Craigslist. Serious, it's there. Check this ad out:
Originally Posted: Wed, 20 May 22:45 PDT
Mow our lawn for a date!
Date: 2009-05-20, 10:45PM PDT
Hey boys� �tis the season for lawn mowing and new love. These are the only two things missing in my life. First order of the business: the lawn. Our small front lawn, and largish back lawn have grown out of control after all the rain we have had as of late. It�s about 1.5 feet tall, and growing taller by the second. We are four lovely ladies lacking a lawn mower. This is where you come in. Second order of business: you and me. I�m a sexy young 20 something lady offering a date (my treat) in exchange for a mowed lawn. We will also offer homemade baked goods to sweeten the deal. However this lawn may be more than you can handle alone. For this reason, my sultry single roommate has graciously agreed to offer the same deal for your friend who helps you out with the task. Let�s go on a double date! You are also welcome to mow the lawn on your own, and pick a lucky friend to come on the date. Who knows, maybe one date could turn into two (lawn mowing optional *wink wink*) Serious inquiries only, we need this lawn mowed, BYOLawnMower!!! No photos of your weedwhacker please.
Location: Eastside
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1181466826
So these girls, got there lawn mowed. (No pun intended!) But it made me start thinking. What would you trade for services? Come on be serious! For example, I would trade photography services for a mechanic and parts for my car right now. Which is another subject in itself. The battery keeps draining, electrical blinking and flashing, no AC, no radio, and it's making noise when it does run...
But I diegress, What services would you exchange? We used to live in a barter society. Turnips for beets ect... One person would trade abundance for a need. I remember as a kid trading baseball cards.
Let me hear what you have to trade.
Originally Posted: Wed, 20 May 22:45 PDT
Mow our lawn for a date!
Date: 2009-05-20, 10:45PM PDT
Hey boys� �tis the season for lawn mowing and new love. These are the only two things missing in my life. First order of the business: the lawn. Our small front lawn, and largish back lawn have grown out of control after all the rain we have had as of late. It�s about 1.5 feet tall, and growing taller by the second. We are four lovely ladies lacking a lawn mower. This is where you come in. Second order of business: you and me. I�m a sexy young 20 something lady offering a date (my treat) in exchange for a mowed lawn. We will also offer homemade baked goods to sweeten the deal. However this lawn may be more than you can handle alone. For this reason, my sultry single roommate has graciously agreed to offer the same deal for your friend who helps you out with the task. Let�s go on a double date! You are also welcome to mow the lawn on your own, and pick a lucky friend to come on the date. Who knows, maybe one date could turn into two (lawn mowing optional *wink wink*) Serious inquiries only, we need this lawn mowed, BYOLawnMower!!! No photos of your weedwhacker please.
Location: Eastside
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1181466826
So these girls, got there lawn mowed. (No pun intended!) But it made me start thinking. What would you trade for services? Come on be serious! For example, I would trade photography services for a mechanic and parts for my car right now. Which is another subject in itself. The battery keeps draining, electrical blinking and flashing, no AC, no radio, and it's making noise when it does run...
But I diegress, What services would you exchange? We used to live in a barter society. Turnips for beets ect... One person would trade abundance for a need. I remember as a kid trading baseball cards.
Let me hear what you have to trade.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
A Geeky Nerd Slams on Michael Jordan!
Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.- If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
- If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
- If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
- He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage.
- If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
- If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $200 every second.
- He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
- He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100-meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
- This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn’t it?
However…
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment.
Game over. Nerd wins.
via Bits & Pieces
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Loosing Weight
I'm currently on a new plan to loose weight, if you'd like to join me, email me since I'm an Independent Reliv Distributor.
Why do I need better nutrition?
Targeting your individual needs in nutrition. Reliv makes it simple.
Why do I need better nutrition?
Targeting your individual needs in nutrition. Reliv makes it simple.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Weekly K9 issue 01 volume 01
This is a new feature, every week (when I remember) I will post a new dog picture. So make sure and check back often or subscribe to the blog to keep up with fresh new post.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
MIGRAINES are a real pain!
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor gets his history and gives him an exam, he discovers that the man has tried practically every therapy known for his migraines and STILL no improvement.“Listen,” says the doctor, “I have migraines, too, and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school. But, it is advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while.”
The doctor continued, “Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in five weeks.”
Five weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for fifteen years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”
“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”
“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a really nice house.”
I don't think that really works. Migraines are the worst! A friend of ours suffered from great head pains until she started taking Reliv Classic: She would have to lock herself away in a black room with no sound for hours. She's been head ache free for 17 years now and the only difference is a Reliv shake twice a day.
I've become an Independent Distributor of Reliv products because they are helping me. My arthritis in my legs, hips and knees are no longer a daily issue. I'm loosing weight and gaining energy.
The modern diet of processed foods and prepackaged meals is starving our bodies of the nutrients we need for good health. The results: sluggishness, poor sleep patterns, reduced ability to fight infection, slow healing and excess weight gain, among others. Most of us are simply not enjoying the quality of life we should be. Relìv Classic® Relìv Now® That’s where Relìv’s essential nutrition formulas come in. Relìv Classic® and Relìv Now®, combine cutting-edge technology with the highest quality ingredients to give your body everything it needs for optimal performance. With Relìv you can feel good — every day.
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Make sure and email me for more information or if you want to try Reliv today.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Response to not having kids.
Several days ago, I attempted to write a humours blog about how we love our furry kids and the fact that we do not have human children. I got some feed-back that I would like to respond to. There's something about blogging that upsets me. Not having the chance to make direct responses. So here is my attempt:
Anonymous one: You are right, everyday deserves a chance, we wake up to a gift everyday, if we chose to accept it and the way it is wrapped up, is our choice. I did not choose to not have children, it was chosen for me. One the other hand, I would prefer to not have children, for reasons not given. I will think about you and your children daily, praying and hoping for many blessings.
Anonymous 2: Your right also, your sad.
The very reason I am far from a youth ministry leadership role, in your eyes, is judgement! Keep in mind that your thoughts determine your feelings. I'm sorry you feel so sad. Who are you, to say that I am farther from God now than I was 5, 10 , 15 or 20 years ago. You call yourself "the church", the church ought to be a caring community of individuals where the people love each other, support each other, pray for each other, laugh together, cry together, and carry burdens together. We need one another; God meant for the church to be a strong support system as we encourage and help each other. To often I have found and experienced just the opposite. A religious group like you that spurt out bible text with not one iota of care behind it. That continue to take and take and take untill one is dried up and broken. A religious group so blinded by being pious they nail Jesus back on the cross to get Him out of there way of being holy.
Let me tell you what I know: The Bible says God often allows us to go through intense trials and problems and then comforts us so that we in turn may offer comfort to others in similar situations (2 Cor. 1:3-4). God uses us in that way; he usually works on people not through a church building, a committee, or a program, but through other people. The presence of God in Jesus Christ is comforting me and using me to touch people you'll never have a chance to get to, just like he uses you to get to people I will never reach.
As for judgement, we will both stand before Him in our own way. But I know that the blood of Jesus Christ covers me from all sin.
Cassondra: Thank you. I am growing to love you and your family more everyday. I'm so glad Mr. H brought us together. I respect you even more for what you've said. It takes a very mature person to see that in themselves. So true what you say, it is by choice or by situation. I pray blessings upon you.
Now, with that said, I'm gonna go play fetch with my girls!
Anonymous one: You are right, everyday deserves a chance, we wake up to a gift everyday, if we chose to accept it and the way it is wrapped up, is our choice. I did not choose to not have children, it was chosen for me. One the other hand, I would prefer to not have children, for reasons not given. I will think about you and your children daily, praying and hoping for many blessings.
Anonymous 2: Your right also, your sad.
The very reason I am far from a youth ministry leadership role, in your eyes, is judgement! Keep in mind that your thoughts determine your feelings. I'm sorry you feel so sad. Who are you, to say that I am farther from God now than I was 5, 10 , 15 or 20 years ago. You call yourself "the church", the church ought to be a caring community of individuals where the people love each other, support each other, pray for each other, laugh together, cry together, and carry burdens together. We need one another; God meant for the church to be a strong support system as we encourage and help each other. To often I have found and experienced just the opposite. A religious group like you that spurt out bible text with not one iota of care behind it. That continue to take and take and take untill one is dried up and broken. A religious group so blinded by being pious they nail Jesus back on the cross to get Him out of there way of being holy.
Let me tell you what I know: The Bible says God often allows us to go through intense trials and problems and then comforts us so that we in turn may offer comfort to others in similar situations (2 Cor. 1:3-4). God uses us in that way; he usually works on people not through a church building, a committee, or a program, but through other people. The presence of God in Jesus Christ is comforting me and using me to touch people you'll never have a chance to get to, just like he uses you to get to people I will never reach.
As for judgement, we will both stand before Him in our own way. But I know that the blood of Jesus Christ covers me from all sin.
Cassondra: Thank you. I am growing to love you and your family more everyday. I'm so glad Mr. H brought us together. I respect you even more for what you've said. It takes a very mature person to see that in themselves. So true what you say, it is by choice or by situation. I pray blessings upon you.
Now, with that said, I'm gonna go play fetch with my girls!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
When a Nerd dies and no one cares, does he really die?
HUDSON, OHIO (The Borowitz Report) -- A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling movie, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." ??Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live." ??Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston's house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter - and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate. ??"When Jude got that vanity license plate that said 'Hogwarts,' that seemed harmless enough," said Polly Clovis, who attended Model U.N. with Mr. Ralston while the two were in high school. "But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help." ??Editors note: I disagree with the above statement. I've been wearing my Darth Vader helmet around town whenever I leave my parent's house for years and I'm completely fine.
via afrojacks
Friday, July 17, 2009
Why don't you have kids?
People are fascinated that my wife and I don't have children. It amazes me how insensitive people get when asking. Every reason for having children falls into two categories: grossly selfish or brainless. What really amazes me is when I ask back. About half of parents, when asked why they had children say “I don’t know.” In other words, they have undertaken a life-altering action of enormous magnitude, without sparing a single thought about it.
Those who have thought about why they had children cannot give a single reason that does not start with the words “I want….” Clearly to those who have thought about it, having children is entirely about meeting their own needs, and the well-being of the children and of the rest of the occupants of the planet are never considered.
The chestnuts generally presented as reasons for having children (Your child may cure cancer!...Who will take care of you when you’re old!) are invariably stupid, selfish and unrealistic. The chances of your child making any kind of major positive contribution to society are extremely slim - near to zero. Their chances of their making a major negative contribution are much greater. Three American-born scientists won 2003 Nobel prizes. That year around 100,000 Americans were sentenced to prison or probation.
I use to tell people, I don't really want children. If you say you don't want children, people will tell you that you don't know what you want or that you'll change your mind. It's never a good idea to obey those who condescend to you and patronize you.
Not having children you pick up on things parents say to their kids. People who have children frequently say things to their children like "I can't wait until you grow up and leave home" that indicates how little they enjoy child-raising. These same people will suddenly forget how much they wanted their children gone when it comes to pressuring the child free to have children. Then children are an unending source of enjoyment and fun.
OK, back to why we don't have kids.
Those who have thought about why they had children cannot give a single reason that does not start with the words “I want….” Clearly to those who have thought about it, having children is entirely about meeting their own needs, and the well-being of the children and of the rest of the occupants of the planet are never considered.
The chestnuts generally presented as reasons for having children (Your child may cure cancer!...Who will take care of you when you’re old!) are invariably stupid, selfish and unrealistic. The chances of your child making any kind of major positive contribution to society are extremely slim - near to zero. Their chances of their making a major negative contribution are much greater. Three American-born scientists won 2003 Nobel prizes. That year around 100,000 Americans were sentenced to prison or probation.
I use to tell people, I don't really want children. If you say you don't want children, people will tell you that you don't know what you want or that you'll change your mind. It's never a good idea to obey those who condescend to you and patronize you.
Not having children you pick up on things parents say to their kids. People who have children frequently say things to their children like "I can't wait until you grow up and leave home" that indicates how little they enjoy child-raising. These same people will suddenly forget how much they wanted their children gone when it comes to pressuring the child free to have children. Then children are an unending source of enjoyment and fun.
OK, back to why we don't have kids.
In the past many years, I have seen countless doctors and specialist and come to find out, the medical reason, as far as I understand it, is that when I ejaculate, there is rarely, if ever, a woman in the room. (OK that was a joke!) The truth, I have no viable sperm. Due to various trauma and medical conditi
ons I can't have children. It doesn't make me less of a person or man. I'm not even afraid to talk about it. Just don't look down your nose at me and think I'm something less, because I'm not. I have a family. My oldest is probably smarter than any of your college bound grads.
Yes, we are the people who have a furry family.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Kids Do Some Wild Stuff
1) NUDITYI was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right ,’ I told her.. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.‘It sure is,’ I replied.Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’ ‘And why not, darling?’‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.’
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
11) BIBLEA little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.‘What have you got there, dear?’With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’
thanks gene & bits and pieces
Everything I need to know I learned from Noah
One : Don’t miss the boat.
Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three : Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark..
Four : Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five : Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six : Build your future on high ground.
Seven : For safety sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine : When you’re stressed, float a while.
Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.
thanks to Bits and Pieces
The Long Way Home
Strange it is that on this journey of life, it's all about the choices we make. His choice was for us to go in a different direction. He wanted us to choose a different path. It's what makes him so special though, letting us choose.
Weather we know it or not we are all on a journey. The physical journey of birth to death. the mental journey of ignorance to knowledge and understanding. Finally our spiritual journey. It however is not so easily defined as the other two.
We have chosen to take the long way home. This will be a place I will share insights and observations of my journey. I would hope you share with me things about your journey also. We are all on the road to home, let us walk hand in hand.
Weather we know it or not we are all on a journey. The physical journey of birth to death. the mental journey of ignorance to knowledge and understanding. Finally our spiritual journey. It however is not so easily defined as the other two.
We have chosen to take the long way home. This will be a place I will share insights and observations of my journey. I would hope you share with me things about your journey also. We are all on the road to home, let us walk hand in hand.
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